I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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