I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
