Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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