Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
