its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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