I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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