Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
