You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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