I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This toilet bowl is my home.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
