I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
