Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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