I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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