I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
