I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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