Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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