Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
