I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
