I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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