I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
