absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize