i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This house was built for laser tag.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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