Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
