So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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