This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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