I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
