i always forget guys have bellybuttons
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
