Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
