Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have aggressive nipples.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
