No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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