You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
