You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
