if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
