what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
