I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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