Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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