On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
