remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
