I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
