whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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