This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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