at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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