He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
