Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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