He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I love having hate sex.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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