when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I will be naked everywhere
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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