My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
