his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
