i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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