I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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