Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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