Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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