took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They took my balls.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
