when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
