After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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