so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
