I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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