No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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