the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
