I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
