is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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