Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
