what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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