i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
