I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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