I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
