Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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