i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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