sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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