Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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