Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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