I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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