I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
