You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
